So I'm still alive! I haven't published an episode in a while (life happens to all of us) and things have gotten kinda crazy.
Let's go backwards a bit. The car I drive was given to me years ago. I was told there were some issues with it but nothing major. Besides, it was given to me for FREE so it didn't really even matter if I needed to put some work into it. So I did. Towards the end of last year, 2018, I was driving a lot more than usual and was pretty careless about it. Earlier this year, I had to get a new water pump and belt. It was running fine and then started to make a weird noise whenever I started it up. It got progressively worse and my transmission (or something to do with the gear shifts) was slipping... BADLY. No money to fix it so I kept it moving on a wing and a prayer. I knew it was only a matter of time before it completely shit out on me. I said I'd be surprised if it made it to the end of the year. I knew it was coming.
About two weeks ago, I was leaving the park with my littles and reached for my door handle and it just came off in my hand. I wasn't mad or angry, it just popped right off.
So I've been able to open it from the back but not from the outside. Ok, fine. Shit happens. Well yesterday, the shit hit the fan with this car in a way that I couldn't believe. I was on my way to Nashville (about 30 minutes from home) and I knew I had a flat. Now this tire keeps going flat on me. No one can find the leak and I haven't had the time or the finances to get a new one. So on my way, I said to myself, nah it's fine I'll just get air in Nashville. But everytime I do that, I always think back to trusting my first instincts. So I pulled up to the air pump and already there's a problem. I can't get out of my car. It somehow locked me in, leaving me unable to open from the inside or the outside (door handle).
So I crawl to the back seat to get out as my front was piled with work shit. The machine doesn't take dollars. Crap. So I slide my card. The display freaks out and takes my money. I slide it again (like a dumbass) and it takes my money but gives no air. Alright, so I'll go inside and get quarters. I've gotta order a coffee anyway. So I come back, put the quarters in and low and behold, it ate my money for the third time. So I go inside to get my coffee and tell the manager that the pump wasn't working, come back to the car so I can get gas somewhere else and notice on the ground is my serpentine belt.
One that had just gotten put on about 8 months ago. Great. Now I have bigger problems than just a flat. I'm telling the manager, who saw the belt too, and he flags down a friend of his who is a mechanic. I get the guys number, he tells me to call after 3 pm and he'd come take a look at it. I get my sister to send for an Uber (because I have no rideshares on my phone) and go back to relax. 3 pm rolls around and I call the guy. No answer. I text, he responds "Let me give you a call back in a few minutes"
He never did.
I let the managers know and after I realized I wouldn't be able get anyone out there, I called the store to make sure it was ok to leave it overnight. They said it was fine.
So this morning, I get dressed, called for a Lyft, went to Auto Zone, paid $55 for tools I could've gotten at Walmart for half the cost, and went on to the gas station. I said fuck it. If nobody is going to help me out, I'll do it my damn self. But when we got there, my car was gone. Furious, I went straight to the manager (same guy from yesterday) and said, "So after you told me it was ok to leave the car here, after 2nd shift told me it was ok over the phone and after YOUR friend flaked out on me yesterday, my car is missing. So where did you tow it to?"
Get this; the manager didn't have a single answer.
I ended up calling the police department and they told me where it was. I was so pissed at this point and so sick of trying to have a sunny disposition, I said fuck it, got back in the Lyft and left. I called the towing place after I had a chance to calm down and they said it'd be $218 to get it out today but after 5 pm, it'll go up $40.
Of course it will.
So after crying and wondering what I could've possibly done in a past life to deserve this fuckery (because shit has been hitting the fan since the beginning of 2013 and has been non stop since) I call my dad. Not to beg for money or anything, he's in his 70s and has health issues that doesn't leave him with a lot in savings. I called because I didn't know who else to call and I knew he could lead me in the right direction. After about a 20 minute lecture on how I need to be more responsible, he stopped himself and realized he hasn't told me anything I haven't already heard over a million times in my life. So then he told me some things that I wasn't expecting. He said, you are more powerful than this. You have so much power in your bloodline, you cannot let a car define you.
WOW
I don't like to talk a lot about my past (also because I don't let that define me) but here's just a SMALL portion of what I've already been through. Back in 2017, me and my 4 children were homeless and carless. We stayed in a 60 day program shelter for about 4 months. It was brutal. I could carry on about the experiences there but that's not what this is about. I worked my ass off and other people saw that it was getting me NOWHERE. My days went like this: leave the shelter at about 6 am to catch the public bus, take that bus to the hub to get onto another bus to get my 2 older kids to school, run with my 2 smaller ones to intercept the same bus (sometimes successfully) so that we could get on to get them to daycare, then I'd run to back to the hub (about half a mile from daycare) to catch the bus to work and then walk half a mile to my actual job site. That was just in the mornings. I had to do the same thing in the afternoons with a rideshare at the end because the busses stop running after 6 pm here. Every day I did this. And every paycheck was going towards childcare and transportation. I literally didn't have an extra dime to spare. So people took notice and helped me out by giving me a car. MY car. With that, I was able to save enough to rent a house.
In 2019, you NEED a vehicle. Especially with four children.
So, needless to say, I've been through worse. And things could've been worse. The belt could've popped off while on the interstate. I could've wrecked and been seriously injured. I could've broken down in Nashville, where I know no one. It could've been worse, I'm well aware of that. And I'll get passed this too, I know I will because that's what I've been doing my whole life... getting passed it.
But that doesn't negate the fact that this is really hard on me. I could get my car out and get the belt back on myself (minus the almost $300 it'll take to get it out of the tow yard and running again) but what's the use in that if it's just going to break down again with the transmission going out? I have to get a new car, which won't be easy.
I know that this blog entry is super depressing and I don't mean for it to be. The whole point of this is to show that no matter what happens in your life, things can always be worse. I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow and that's ok. It's not meant for me to know. I may not know exactly what my purpose is on this earth (and trust me, I have been desperately trying to find it for a very long time), and that's ok too. The point is, I'm grateful. Grateful to have had a vehicle to get me to where I needed to go. I'm grateful to have had a vehicle to get me to my kids and to two jobs. I'm grateful to have had a vehicle to sleep in when things got rough. I've overcome an ex that would beat me, cheat on me with both men and women, talk down to me, tell me things like, "you'd never leave me, where would you go?" I've overcome a vengeful ex who would do anything to ruin me. I've overcome the loss of love from almost everyone I knew at one point. I've overcome molestation and rape. I've overcome homelessness and cancer AND BEING WITHOUT A CAR. I've done it all before, I can do this too. My ancestors are entirely way too strong and powerful to let this become my downfall. And if you're reading this and going through your own struggle, guess what? You'll overcome this too. How do I know that?
Because the same power that flows through my veins, flows through yours as well.
Much love to you all and I'll be back with an episode soon!